i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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