someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
