1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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