Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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