my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
