i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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