i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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