god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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