if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
