The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
