there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
