Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
