Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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