Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
