Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize