what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
