I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
