SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
