matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
