I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
