Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
