she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
