i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
