im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
