She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
