"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
