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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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