Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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