so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
