6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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