yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
