I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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