new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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