am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
