I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
