I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
