tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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