they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
