Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
