I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize