M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
