I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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