How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
