Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
