what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
