I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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