So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
