I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
