I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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