I can tuck mytits in my pants
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
