I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
