Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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