Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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