Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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