She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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