You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
