I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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