he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
