he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
