We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
