Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
