your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
