i just made my gag reflex go away.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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