Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think my tv is drunk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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