You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
