U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
