Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just invented taco cereal.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
