I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
